I’ve been thinking a lot about discipleship.  Yea, okay.  Not a lot.  A little.  I think about a LOT of things a little bit.  Anyway, the idea of discipleship intrigues me.  A lot.

Jesus’ disciples were an interesting bunch. If you were to endeavor to pick twelve people to represent you and share your amazing ideas with as many others as possible (without the use of cars, planes, email, or anything starting with a capital I), you would probably look for those with characteristics such as loyalty, confidence, intelligence, responsibility, determination, charisma, and hey, let’s face it, good looks.  Remember folks, the Bible says God looks at the heart.  The rest of us are prone to focus on outward appearances, and if you’re trying to draw a crowd, you best get a hottie showing some skin – unfortunately, that’s the world we live in.  If you doubt me, please find and watch some coverage of the Golden Boobs, I mean Golden Globes, from last week. Apparently, a little beauty and a large dose of cleavage will make people hang on your every word, regardless of what you might be saying.

My point is, Jesus picked a strange group to call his disciples – to be with him and go out to preach (Mark 3:14).  These guys were not the best and the brightest.  In Mark 7, Jesus has to explain himself to them because they can’t quite grasp what he’s trying to say.  In Mark 9, once again, the disciples don’t understand Jesus, and this time, they don’t even have the guts to ask him what he means.  In Mark 10, James and John ask if they can be seated next to Jesus in his glory.  Wow.  Ya gotta love such a gross overestimation of place.  Then, in Mark 14, it all goes to pot.  The disciples can’t obey Jesus’ basic request to stay awake.  Judas completely betrays him.  And Peter denies knowing him, not once, but three times. 

Like I said, these fellas were not your top of the line groupies.

Still, I have a hard time thinking of myself as a disciple of Jesus Christ, because despite their inadequacies, the twelve disciples played major roles in the most incredible story of all time.  They were main characters in God’s amazing plan, while I’m just an extra among billions.    

The definition of ‘disciple’ is one who embraces and assists in spreading the doctrines of another.  I do the embracing part pretty well.  The spreading doctrines part, however . . . I could use a little work on that.

If I want to be a disciple of Jesus, I have to share him with the people that show up in my life, and that can’t just mean the people I know and love.  The reality is, the majority of the people in my life have already met Jesus, and most of them know him well.  I’m called to share Christ with those who don’t know him, and that’s where I often get tripped up.

I think it’s because I don’t feel qualified to be a disciple.  I don’t know enough.  I’m not bold enough.  I can’t answer all the questions or quote all the scriptures.  I can’t possibly be considered a disciple. 

But then, I think about the twelve people Jesus chose as his disciples.  The ones who didn’t fully understand everything he said.  The ones who feared him.  The ones who felt they were on the same level with him.  The ones who didn’t obey him.  They ones who denied him, betrayed him, deserted him.

And I realize, the disciples and I have a lot in common.

Maybe I didn’t walk alongside Christ as he healed the sick or raised the dead or fed the masses.  But I’ve misunderstood him.  I’ve been scared of him.  I’ve wanted his control and disobeyed what he was telling me and refused to acknowledge him as my friend.  The truth is . . . I would have fit right in with that unlikely crew of people Jesus chose as his disciples.  Because Jesus didn’t come for the healthy, but for the sick . . . he didn’t come for the righteous, but for the sinners (Mark 2:17).  Jesus came to save, and in a statement perfectly fitting of who he is, he chose a messed-up bunch of people to help him spread his messages of love and grace. 

Huh.

Being messed-up is kind of a specialty of mine. 

I guess I really can be a disciple.  I can embrace the teachings of Jesus, and assist in passing them along to others.  And I can find encouragement not only in the Chosen One, but in those He chose.  Because although they were flawed . . . although they found failure time after time . . . they succeeded in fulfilling their purposes in the greatest story ever told.

I long to play a part in that story, even if it's only a tiny part, a part that doesn't get recognized by anyone but the One who wrote it.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."  

John 13:34-35