Okay people, enough is enough.  We have to get in the game and make some serious moves.  The world has gone crazy and I HAVE A DAUGHTER FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!

I know.  I should really stop reading books that keep me up at night thinking and wondering and worrying.  A couple nonfiction gems I’ve recently finished have me literally squirming with fear.  At two am this morning, I was wide awake considering how I can start a trend involving a tall tower in the middle of nowhere, a locked room to which only I have the key, and my daughter.  Think “Tangled,” but with a whole lot more genuine love from an honest to goodness birth mother.  There would be no magic.  My version of the locked room and the tall tower would simply involve the strong desire of a parent to protect her child from a culture that has lost its mind. 

Indulge me for a moment and allow me to share some of my newly acquired insight with you.

A recent study examined the diaries of young women from the late 1800’s.  Their main topic of reflection?  How to improve their character.  Sadly, that makes me laugh.  What do you think the young women of 2012 would claim they’d most like to improve?  I would imagine the list in their diaries would go something like this: hair, skin, body, bank account . . . not necessarily in that order. 

Why did such a drastic and disastrous change occur? How did a society that once valued virtue and modesty become a society that doesn’t feature anyone on the cover of a magazine without first, removing most of their clothing, and second, performing extensive “digital image manipulation,” or in everyday terms, photoshopping?  

The study claims one of the main reasons this change came about was because, at the end of the nineteenth century, mirrors became widely available to the general public.  Once women were able to see their reflections in a mirror on a regular basis, they began comparing their images to those of others. Hmm, sound familiar?  I can recall skimming through a fashion magazine last month and then looking in the mirror and thinking, gee, I have blond hair and two kids, maybe if I stop eating for the next, oh, five or six months, I could look a little more like Gwyneth Paltrow.  

Of course, shortly after mirrors became a household staple, home scales became available.  And the rest, as they say, is history. 

Mirrors and scales.  Are you groaning as loudly as I am?  Such simple developments yet, they made such a disturbing impact.  It’s maddening to think about, isn’t it?  Steam is literally coming out of my ears as I think of the time I’ve wasted fretting over what I could see in a mirror or on a scale.  It’s a good thing I’m in the kitchen right now and not the bathroom, because I’m so furious I want to take a sledge hammer to every mirror in my house.  (People with OCD issues don’t own scales, or else I’d destroy those too.) 

Statistics show that by the age of thirteen, 53% of American girls are unhappy with their bodies, and by age seventeen, 78% are dissatisfied.

A survey taken less than five years ago reported that 80% of ten-year-old girls have been on a diet.  That’s four out of five kids thinking about their weight instead of thinking about how to be a good friend or how to finish their homework on time or how many lightning bugs to catch after dinner.

Ten years ago, the average age for eating disorders was fifteen.  Today, children as young as five and six are being treated in centers all over the United States.  Five and six-year-olds with eating disorders.  Tears fill my eyes as comprehension takes over . . . that could be my child.

Up until the late 1800’s, clothing was often made at home to fit the exact dimensions of the people wearing it.  Now, we decide whether we’re a good person or not based on what size we have to take back to the dressing room in Nordstrom.

Just a few decades ago, most companies didn’t spend a penny to target eight to twelve year olds, and now, marketing for that age group is a fifty billion dollar a year business.  And I’m not referring to companies selling cereal and lollipops my friends.  I’m talking about companies who are trying to persuade my little girl she needs a bra that matches her underwear, and she should be wearing them both while applying make-up and straightening her hair.  I’m talking about companies who are attempting to sell my daughter a pair of pants with words on the backside, so the focus of anyone’s attention when they are behind her is on her bottom.  I’m talking about companies who want to convince my six-year-old to watch a television show that depicts her future role in society as that of a boy crazy teenager who cares more about date nights than studying.  (Just because it’s on the Disney channel doesn’t mean it’s for kids!).  I’m talking about companies who don’t care if a song that uses the “F” word half a dozen times plays immediately after a song by a tween that encourages little girls to love themselves for who they are. 

Research claims this insane advertising is all about creating brand and product loyalty – corporate giants are trying to grab the attention of potential consumers and keep it forever, and they will do whatever it takes to reach the youngest of audiences.  Of course, what that really means, is that it’s all about money.   Man, that greed thing comes back to bite us every time, doesn’t it?

Today, women in America spend over 7 billion dollars a year on cosmetics.  Many women are even taking more drastic measures to improve or maintain their looks.  (Can you say Botox?  I can, and I’ll probably say it again in a few months when it wears off).  In 2011, over ten billion dollars was spent on cosmetic surgery.   Hey, I’m not saying I haven’t considered it.  Have I ever mentioned that a size nearly A bra is too big for me?  Yes, you read that correctly.  Nearly A = too BIG, so clearly, I’ve thought about implants.  After I gave birth to my first child and my milk came in, I remember looking in the mirror and thinking, hallelujah, now that’s what a woman is supposed to look like!  I think my husband would probably support me if I decided to join the ranks of women who have forked over hard earned cash for the ability to shop at Victoria’s Secret, but what message would I be sending to my daughter if I tell her it’s what’s inside that counts, and then my outside suddenly transforms from a training bra to a 36C?  More importantly, what message am I sending to the world if I risk my life and future for a surgery that is not an absolute medical necessity?  Honestly, I guess I’d simply be responding to the messages I’ve received from American culture for a lifetime.  The ones that tell me I’m not pretty enough.  I’m not thin enough.  I’m not sexy enough.  I’m not ever going to be enough. 

What are we doing?  I realize we didn’t have much of a say as we were growing up.  We viewed, we heard, we witnessed, and, unfortunately, we conformed.  I don’t think our parents recognized what was happening.  Now, WE are the parents, and we know what is happening.  So why are we allowing our children to be brainwashed, as we were, by society . . . by a culture that values perfection over purity and honor and decency and integrity?  Why aren’t we standing up at local swim meets to tell the DJ it’s not okay to play a song about alcohol consumption when the only athletes on the starting blocks are under the age of twenty-one?  Why aren’t we pitching fits at the Barnes and Noble checkout line where magazines touting sex tips are placed at eye level for first graders?  Why aren’t we boycotting clothing stores that sell lingerie to teenagers?   Why aren’t we writing in to Christian radio stations that claim to be safe for the whole family, yet frequently air commercials about laser hair removal and weight loss methods?

We are allowing too many people to influence our children in ways that can negatively impact them forever.  People who don’t care about our children, people who see them only as potential dollar signs.  Our little girls are not objects, but they will certainly think of themselves as such if we continue to sit back and watch as they are bombarded with this message over and over and over again. 

We have to get in the game.  We have to make some moves.  The most important thing in the world is at stake and we are on the sidelines looking the wrong way.  It’s a daunting task.  My mind races every day as I consider how we can reverse the momentum, get on the scoreboard, and pull ahead?  Truthfully, I think if we really want to see change occur, we will have to do some uncomfortable, inconvenient things.  We will have to step on some toes, hurt some feelings, go out of our way.  We will have to turn down opportunities for fun and we might even lose a few friends along the way.  It will be a difficult and dirty job, but we are the only ones who can be advocates for our children – no one else is going to do it, and in the end, don’t you think it’s worth it?  Our children, our daughters, are worth every effort.

In all honesty, I think what overwhelms me most is the fact that I’m not sure I am up to the task.  Confrontation is not my thing.  I prefer avoidance.  I complained to my husband when the music at my daughter’s swim meet was inappropriate, but I didn’t ask anyone to turn it off.  I told the checkout lady at the bookstore they shouldn’t display magazines with the word “sex” on them right in front of my child’s face, but I didn’t approach the manager about it.  I was able to get the television channel changed from a soap opera to a sporting event when I took the kids to California Pizza Kitchen for lunch, but I was shaking when I did it, and if they had not honored my request, I probably would have eaten there anyway. 

I can refuse to shop in stores that market inappropriate clothing for children, but I don’t know if I can encourage other mothers to do it too.  I can prohibit my child from listening to inappropriate music, but I don’t know if I can take a stand when someone else allows it.  I will sign the petition, but I don’t know if I have the guts to create it.  I want to get in the game . . . I just don’t know if I can be the captain of the team.    

I guess, for now, I have to rely on my abilities to control what my daughter sees and hears in my home, and trust that I can overrule the harmful messages she receives every time she steps out the door.  And there is only one way I can do that – with truth.  

1 Samuel 16:7     But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him.  For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

1 Corinthians 3:16     Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?

Ecclesiastes 3:11     He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Psalm 139:14     I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Matthew 6:25     “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?”

1 Peter 3:3-4     Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

Song of Soloman 4:7     You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.

Genesis 1:27     So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created him.

I need to memorize these verses.  I need to speak them frequently over the next fifteen years, until I’m blue in the face, until my daughter can finish each one in her head while she rolls her eyes behind my back because she’s heard them so much.  Hey, maybe as I share the truth with my children, it will even begin to sink in for me.  Maybe all those false messages that shaped me over the last thirty-seven years will begin to fade into the background.  Maybe the truth will finally penetrate my own soul and I will realize . . . I am enough. 

I might not be scoring the winning goal in this fight against the world.  For now, I will leave that to the people who thrive on confrontation instead of avoidance.  But I will make some moves.  I will pass the ball and play some defense and high-five every good shot.  I will stay on the team, and though I might not be the captain for all mothers out there, in my house, I will be the head coach (pun intendedJ).  I will work every day to fill my daughter’s mind with the truth.  There simply is no other option.  Unless . . . you have a tower in the middle of nowhere you haven’t told me about?  

Most of the above statistics were taken from two books I highly recommend, even if you don’t have daughters: 

Six Ways To Keep the “Little” In Your Girl by Dannah Gresh

Five Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney

Warning: These books will cause you to wake up at two in the morning with your heart in your throat and your hands shaking uncontrollably.

(All other statistics I made up.  Just kidding.  I Googled them, which might be just as bad.)