Life
has been a bit of a whirlwind lately, and the words just haven’t come. That Lent project of mine seems so far in the
past – the days when I could find gratitude around every corner. Turns out, when you’re searching for things
that make you feel thankful, the world seems full of those things. You feel thankful. But when you stop looking, the gratitude is
no longer so easily found. And the
thankfulness? Well, it begins to wane as
many of those things you once counted as blessings begin to bear down more like
burdens.
It’s
when I’m in the dark that I realize how far I have to go. When life is hard and everything feels like
work and I doubt and fear and dread. That’s
when I understand the true state of my soul.
That’s when all signs point to the fact that I still don’t look anything
like Jesus.
He’s
in there somewhere. Buried deep among my
discontent, he sits patiently waiting for me to look past my selfish mess and
see him reaching for me. Every so often,
I acknowledge that he’s calling my name, and I rush towards him, full of
eagerness for our reunion. But the
connection is brief. I’m like a child
who races towards her father when he shows up at the park, only to give him a
quick hug before running off again, free to go and do and be as she pleases.
I
know I should linger in his presence. He
is the only one who can provide the comfort I seek. And yet, I search for it in anything . . . in
everything else . . . and then act
surprised when there is no comfort to be found.
There
will always be dark places in our lives, and dark is difficult . It’s disorienting and dangerous and it makes
us feel so alone. Just imagine being in
a completely dark room – nothing but blackness all around. You can’t even see what’s right in front of
you. You’re scared and you’re stuck and there
seems to be no hope at all. Now, think
about what the flame of even one small candle brings to that dark place. With a single spark, physical light enters
your surroundings. It makes the darkness
recede, and suddenly, you have knowledge and understanding.
Jesus is
light.
When
life is dark, He is the one who illuminates what is real and shows us the way. We just have to remember to look for the
light.
I
stopped looking. That little Lent project
of mine – the channeling my inner Ann Voskamp and counting blessings each and every day
– it ended when Easter came. I
celebrated the resurrection – the single greatest reason for hope - and then I
stopped looking for reasons to be thankful.
Man
I have SUCH a long way to go.
You
see, when I don’t focus on the source of light, all I see is dark. When I don’t let the light of the world bring
clarity and truth that point me in the right direction, I end up in stumbling
through blackness.
Light
overcomes darkness.
Jesus
overcame death.
If
I walk towards the light . . . if I run to Jesus . . . I will find my way. I will find the comfort and peace and freedom
I’m looking for. The dark will disappear
and I will be thankful again.
